I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
