Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
