I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
