I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
