Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
