I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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