She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
