What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
