if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
