I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
