The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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