I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
All I want is dick and wine.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
