I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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