I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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