youre lurking in front of me
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
