i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
