I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
