I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The adults are the big ones right?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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