Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
