You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
