I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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