is your mom at the bar?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
