from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
