Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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