I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
All the doctor said was why
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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