your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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