i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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