I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
