I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
