Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
