So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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