Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
