where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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