I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
