The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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