I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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