the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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