I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
