Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
