....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
