I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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