I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
