Pants 0. Shit 1.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Come see our sink grown plant.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
