you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
