You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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