Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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