The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
