So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So here I am, sexting at work.
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