the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize