Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
