brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
