You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
