This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
