thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
