I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
