Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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