Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
