if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
This toilet bowl is my home.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
