Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
