she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
