hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
